Warhammer but the W is for Waffle House

Hidden in the vastness of space is a unit of elite warriors equipped to handle the worst that the universe has to offer:

Waffle House Workers.

Waffle House is a chain of restaurants across the United States that began in 1955 in Avondale, Georgia. Over the years, it slowly gained a notable reputation for being able to adapt to a variety of scenarios.

One notable example is the Waffle House index. It is an informal measurement of inclement weather. This index stems from the chain’s history of being thoroughly prepared for natural disasters. Similar to that of other large stores or corporations that have effective policies.

The origin can be traced to Craig Fugate, a FEMA admin, after a devastating Tornado hit Joplin, Missouri, in 2011. It led to 158 deaths, 1150 injuries, and 2.8 billion in damages.

Both Joplin Waffle houses were open during the event.

Thus came the Waffle House Index:

Green: Full menu, with barely any damage.

Yellow: A limited menu with issues such as food shortages or power.

Red: Waffle House is closed.

Now, you might ask what I’m doing talking about Waffle House and where the Warhammer comes into the formula. A while before my last little hiatus, I was scrolling on Twitter when I came across a post asking if an Ultramarine Company could break into and capture a Waffle House.

After some mild pondering, my initial answer was no. There’s no way a batch of genetically altered blueberries could handle the capabilities of your average Waffle House worker. They’d thrown out or turned into plates for the next shift.

Then I got to thinking about it. I think there’s yet to be a faction that could handle the true nature of Waffle House. Waffle House employees undergo a portion of training that makes them adept fighters, from catching chairs with one hand to serving fists with a side of syrup. They are often better adapted to chaos and a rapidly evolving fighting environment than the Emperor’s best.

Some might say, “Well, Space Marines are GeNeTiCalLy AlTeReD,” as if your average Waffle House worker isn’t. Tell me it doesn’t take a genetically altered individual to work at a 24/7 Breakfast joint known for its brawls?

As for chaos, the gods don’t stand a chance against the unique chaos that comes with it. Cultural norms are null and void in a Twilight Zone-esque realm. Slaanesh? Khorne? Nurgle? It can’t be much worse than the drunk patrons that come in.

Orks might be chill with Waffle House, considering yellow.

There may be a slight takeover during shift changes. It’s a very slim possibility when the previous shift workers are tired and weary before the fresh workers clock in. The window of opportunity is concise and requires a calculated plan. It’s more likely to succeed on a weekday rather than a weekend.

So what do you think? Do you believe that the factions of 40k have a chance against the workers of Waffle House?