I often talk about how much I adore my art and how much I love the hobby. One aspect that I don’t touch on often is that of insecurities.

From time to time the dragon named Insecurity rears its ugly head to pester me once more. I find myself being very unkind to my art and myself which only helps to fuel imposter syndrome, which is a large aspect of my ADHD.

A problem that I often face being neurodivergent is, in the best way for me to explain it, that I’m a stranger in a strange land. Much like Heinlien’s 1961 novel of the same name, I feel like Valentine Smith. That I was raised on another planet only to be brought back to Earth as a complete stranger. One that doesn’t quite blend into the society around it.

This leads to a lot of insecurities, both in art and other aspects of my life. I’d triple-check assignments to make sure they’re not hot garbage before submitting and pointing out flaws on graded assignments (even if they got an A). I can be hesitant with career choices because I catch myself thinking that I wouldn’t be a good fit for that position even if I have the experience for it.

I catch myself comparing my artwork to others as well.

“Why can’t this be like that?”

“Why does ___ get more reception than ___?”

“Why can’t I be like that person (creativity)?”

Which, for the most part, are things that I don’t want. I know it’s just my brain being a jerk. They can do that. They’re finicky critters.

I don’t clean build or scribe. It’s not something that sparks joy but it’s the jealousy and insecurity that comes with seeing the skills that it can take to do that.

I have to step back and reassure myself with kind words that I am not that person and I do my cool art. Different strokes for different folks.

I want people to know that this is an issue that many artists deal with. Young artists face it. Experienced artists face it. There’s no shame in openly discussing insecurities because everyone at one point or another has dealt with them.

I have tips for dealing with imposter syndrome here. I’m trying to build a list more suitable for other neurodivergent folks, so expect that soon. 

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Have a great Tuesday! – J